Obstacles: Detached Retinas

Published on by thelonelyauthorblog

This happened to me several years ago. I queried the literary agent for one of my favorite authors. The agent called me two days later asking me for three sample chapters. The chapters were dropped off at the concierge desk the next morning. Later that week he called me, bursting with excitement assuring me my novel would reach the big screen. He wanted the entire novel dropped off Monday morning.

With visions of a six figure deal, book signings, and my Oscar acceptance speech dancing in my head, I sat down to begin the printing process. Murphy’s cruel law reared its ugly head and my computer died. The next day I rushed out to purchase a new computer and saw the first 17 inch monitors on display (I did say this was several years ago). It was a heavy monstrosity with built-in speakers on the side. I have friends who hurt their back and others who suffered hernias carrying heavy things. Not me. I tore my retina.

Emergency surgery reattached my retina, but I suffered from blurred vision for several years. I stopped writing. How could I overcome the obstacle of blurred vision? Today, I regret those lost years. This past December on the eve of Christmas Eve I tore the same retina. My second surgery, like my first, left me with blurred vision. This time I refuse to stop writing and querying. I refuse to make that mistake again.

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1,028 thoughts on “Obstacles: Detached Retinas”

    1. Oh, sorry about that. I handed in the entire manuscript and went off to have my surgery. It took years to fully recover my full vision. The agent returned the manuscript to me several months later. He provided a small list of suggestions,told me to keep promoting it because it would sell, and said it was not for him. Very disappointing.

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  3. Hi, Andrew! Now it’s my turn to peruse your older blog posts! I’m thinking it must be somewhat encouraging to have had such initial enthusiasm for your manuscript. I can’t believe that nothing came of that. The right person has not read it yet! Your vision still hasn’t returned to 100%, is that correct? We were talking about reading books and you said you weren’t able to read except your computer screen…

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    1. First, I still hold hope to find a literary agent for my work. (I refuse to quit). Yeah, I had retina surgery years ago and again this past year. I still have plenty of blurriness that will take time to heal. I take many breaks when reading blogs to rest my eyes. I also set the screen to super large print to read. I set January as my date to start reading books again. I miss reading.

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  4. Couldn’t possibly hug you harder.

    Also, I may be commenting a lot as I browse your head, so don’t feel the need to reply to everything, please. I’m just blah blah blah- ing in your direction

    Like

    Reply

        1. Good. Nandita had to return to mhy blog with the other blog she uses “Ria.” I just approved and replied.

          By the way, that strange blogger “thecandiclub” left old messages while I was gine. Both nothing as strange as she left on yours.

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          1. So weird that one. And I have to stop myself from unleashing the rage when she comments, she pisses me off so much!

            You replied? You are a better person than me. I would have told her to fuck the fuck off a long time ago and stop acting like such a psycho.

            Sorry…rage monster peeking out

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                    18. Mirror was a silly joke.

                      I am much better myself. Just reread tomorrow’s post. I have to be honest. I kind of like it.

                      Hey, do you read my poetry with a poet’s eye?
                      Or as a woman? Or totlly with your mind?
                      Or like so many others, do you read me with your panties?

                      I think that is why I have so little trust in my own poetry.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    19. I think you know the answer to that question. But i will indulge you baby.
                      But you asked, remember.

                      Firstly as a poet. Hence why i spend so long diseccting your language and imagery and why i analyse every little nunace and phrase.
                      Secondly, as a woman but NEVER with my panties. Just in the sense of how it feels to read beautiful words written by a man.

                      Thirdly yes with my mind, and you are tsking up much if that space so it makes reading your poetry even more absorbing.

                      Also say the phrase ‘like so many others’ again and see what happens.

                      But lastly. As a woman who is falling very deeply for you.

                      How is that?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    24. And much better than the Fake Muse I had before. The poetry had to be about her.
                      I always felt so restricted.

                      With you I feel free to write. You will see tomorrow’s post. You have my creativity bubbling and brusting. And remember, this poem was written in about a half hour.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    25. That is exactly how i want you to feel.
                      Like you cant keep it in, no matter what its about.

                      That type of writing that just wtites itself so fast has a magic to it

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                    51. You were?! Brilliant. I read all of them.

                      They LOVED IT.
                      I told you. They were searching and searching as to how to express what they felt. Beautiful. You should be bursting with happies all over the place.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    52. Yes, I am bursting with happies. LMFAO
                      It is one time I loved my poem.

                      I think I may have said this or something similar yesterday: I see my blog and poetry evolving.
                      There was before my eye surgeries. My work was simple, crude, with prettiness and some emotion. But what it did was attract the people who read with their panties.

                      My writing improved during the dark ages of the N period. It became richer, a little more use of metaphors and personification. But it was inhibited. I used to write afraid of her approval or anger.

                      BUt now I feel totally uninhibited. Free as a bird and the metaphors are flowing. Poems bloom inside of me. I find my poetry since I returned from Cancun (when we exchanged our feelings) so enriching, gleaming with passion.

                      But that is just me. My new muse is wonderful.
                      So inspiring and encouraging of letteing me be me and letting me reach new creative heights.

                      Thank you

                      Liked by 1 person

                    53. You MUST live this poem. Well I have said so much about it to you in private and on the blog so i won’t go into it again. But it was something else. Another layer.

                      I want you to feel that all the time. And more. And I know there are words and poems in you that even you won’t know what to do with .
                      She didn’t want you to shine because you’d get noticed and she didn’t want that.
                      I just want you to be as beautiful as you can be. Always.

                      Don’t thank me. Whatever I am doing to you, I am loving every second

                      Like

                    76. I’ve sent you a response to your poem. Just for us. I haven’t done the blog comment yet. As usual!
                      I am beyond nervous now for you to read what I said. If you don’t like what I said you can ignore it.
                      And I will be nervous for the next million hours until you wake up and read it.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    108. I will be gentle. Don’t worry
                      Making me laugh so much.

                      Which is good as you are distracting me from…other things I may or may not have said.

                      Love this mood you’re in today

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                    122. Oh…
                      Okay. Did I do that? Lol

                      So that’s good because I was feeling very exposed. But now I can calm down.and wait til Monday.
                      But happy that I am getting a response

                      Liked by 1 person

                    123. Don’t know if you remember a day in early October, we were chatting back and forth while I was driving for six hours.

                      I wrote the last four lines that day. And they tell you everything you want to know. The rest came to me last week, that was one of the reasons I didn’t know what to post when you asked me on Sunday. It was between this Monday post and the one I actually posted “if you let me.”

                      After the challenge I received I added lines about confession, and it is done. For you Muñeca.

                      It is cheating. Because it didn’t actually come from the prompt. It was already written for you, but it will serve the triple purpose.
                      1- satisfy the prompt
                      2- A beautiful poem written just for you
                      3- Replying to your beautiful comment.

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                    124. I remember that day.

                      I was already writing poetry for you too.

                      Everything you say has a deep effect on me.

                      I can’t wait to read it baby.
                      You’re so important to me.
                      Well.. you know everything now.

                      It’s not cheating. No one needs to know…I can keep a secret lol.
                      I may cease to exist after reading it.
                      Well I won’t.
                      But I will.

                      Huge deep sigh.

                      Don’t know how this happened but my smiles are coming from deep inside ❤️

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                    125. Stop worrying about the why? It doesn’t matter. Almost everything I have written after Cancun is for you.

                      I have one of two post like the suicide one obviously wasn’t for you.

                      Tomorrow when we have more time I have to ask you for some advice.

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                    126. Did i say why? I didn’t even realise. You may ignore me. Won’t do it again.

                      I wouldn’t even let myself think the vagabond days one was for me.

                      But you have no idea how it makes me feel knowing this. Really baby..

                      Of course. Anything you want, we can talk about

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                    128. Did I ever tell you just when I was going to graduate from uni when I was around 22 I almost decided to enroll in a film school in NY? My friend had moved there and she was begging me to go. Stupidly I decided to go back to Cyprus.

                      Talk about a sliding doors moment.

                      Are you enjoying your day and all the beautiful words you’re being showered with?

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                    156. I am sure you have many MANY other talents. Do you want me to say it’s a talent?
                      Okay.
                      Your ability for instant boners is such an incredible talent! 🔥🔥🔥

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                    169. I just read the comment! I think you’re the only person I know who approved and replied to spam

                      Hilarious. A whole new series of posts could be born from this 😂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    189. Don’t apologise. You’ve beenbtelling about it since we FIRST started emailing..lol
                      Let’s see if i remember. ..something like the lonely author doesnt make love he fs hard
                      Is what you told me many moons ago
                      Is that true …

                      Liked by 1 person

                    195. Right….
                      I will be reading them tomorrow. I have read a few…some people are clearly curious where this…you is coming from lol. Your answers are entertaining me so much

                      Like

                    200. I can’t . You are sweet though the way you care
                      I have fuelled myself on way too much coffee. Plus sleep deprivation does wonderful things for the inspiration

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                    204. That line seems to be describing a lot about us .
                      I thought after I posted it that I should have given you credit for the title but it would have been a bit … inappropriate lol

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                    213. I know. Wait until Mondays post.

                      Remember the poem “never sent to you.” Women saying you have to send the letters. LOL
                      This will have that type of finale and I bet the reaction will be the same. You have to tell her.

                      This is kind of fun.

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                    214. Yes I REMEMBER the poem and the reactions. You are very good at diversionary tactics. It’s an eff load of fun.
                      But I think you are enjoying torturing me with your impending poetry

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                    219. Hope you like my poem today. I was a very good girl and wrote with the title you gave me. I bet you don’t remember!
                      Seriously. What a lucky boy you are ❤️

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                    236. Oh right. Lost the whole flow of our conversation.

                      It was okay. Better than other days
                      Morning was a bit fucked but that passed too. I was feeling a bit sad before you appeared.

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                    249. Makes it worse! I would have gone in 2002.
                      I would have been 22 and you would have been…37. Hot, first of all.
                      Maybe there is a parallel universe where that DID happen and there’s another two of us there enjoying themselves intensely

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                    253. Yeah.
                      You know though…
                      You have to think, whatever anyone goes through, good or bad or right or wrong decision, left or right pathway everything we’ve been through leads to something. Or, brings us to where we are for some reason or another. I can think of a thousand things that happened to me that, if they hadn’t, I may never have found you here.
                      Everything leads to something. As painful as it is, some things have to happen a certain way so we can become who we are and be in the spot we are standing in for a reason. I mean I don’t have any answers but I know there is a reason we’ve found each other this way. What it is, fuck knows. I am sure we’ll find out.
                      Makes sense?

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                    254. Yes, it does make sense. I do think that way too. I will even take it one step further…… we were supposed tyo meet at NYU. Never happened but fate made sure it happened years later. It sounds corny, nut it was destined to happen.

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                    257. You do. I know. It’s important to me that you think that way. My mind operates in weird ways sometimes. I do sense things about you and know things before you say them and much more. Just confirms things for me. If you didn’t get me, I would be having a sinking feeling in my stomach instead of shivers up my spine. Which is a strong sign for me.

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                    258. Well, I would like to send shivers up your spine but for other reasons and methods.

                      We are very similar in thinking. I am very spiritual. I believe things happen for a reason. And I do believe some people are meant to be or meant to find one another

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                    259. Lol, you do that too. Wait let me just imagine for a sec…

                      Yes completely. No denying we were meant to find each other.

                      And at the right moment. Even if it feels unfair sometimes. It’s supposed to be now

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                    261. Yes.
                      Even then.

                      By the way spf replied to me finally. It was short and thankful and she quoted a bit of my email that made her laugh and that was that really! I probably won’t reply. It didn’t really need one. Totally forgot to tell you

                      Liked by 1 person

                    262. You are much too kind my smouldering Babe.
                      I have studied novel writing and read so so much n the subject, so I can be a little helpful, but for all I have read, I have yet to be published.

                      Please, don’t let the comments or back and forth bother you. Where our back and forth is funny and smooth, there are many times it is a but awkward with her. She doesn’t have your personality or charm.

                      I have always thought she may have contacts that could possibly help me one day. Yesterday I found out she doesn’t . But she has published 3 books in her country/language.

                      DON’T LET MY COMMENTS WITH ANYONE BOTHER YOU. Seriously. Just being the Lonely Author. You never notice me trying to end conversations with ladies and they just go on and on.

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                    263. That comment must have fallen into my dashboard. I will retrieve and reply. Fuck it if it goes on and on. It’s my blog. Whoever doeswn’ty like me back and forthing with you will have to stick it.

                      My tricky tricks???
                      Thanks for the encouraging words about the contact. Wish it was you in my lap.

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                    264. Very hot when you get all “I’ll do what I want on my blog”
                      Love it ❤️

                      Yes remember I told you I worked out your whole lonely author flirting style looong ago. I was very proud of that little observation.

                      Your lap would be my new favourite place to sit

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                    265. Haha . But it is true. If I want tio write a poem about crap, well its my blog.

                      LOL . You are too much. A little secret here. I don’t do it purposely, seriously I don’t. But my poetry leads to the popularity and flirting and charm.

                      So many of my poems end melancholy. or with the words YOU. Ladies want to be that YOU.
                      They don’t know the you is you.

                      But my poetry does encourage the following of women. Not the poetry itself, but the messages and finales cater to it.

                      makes sense?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    266. Yeah yeah…sense etc.

                      But back to this reply you just effing posted on your poem! My face was burning all the way through!!!!! Not to mention OTHER parts… How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that!!!!!
                      Oh but I will.
                      You just wait
                      You are in big effing trouble

                      (But I’ll be a good girl I promise)
                      🙊

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                    270. It was an AMAZING response. How did you go to brow furrowing?????
                      Did you read it back to yourself? It was beautiful. I have to restrain myself in my response. And you put the title of poem at the end which will get noticed, I hope you know that.
                      I loved every word. Oh… lost meanings in the written word….I meant it really touched me and I will have trouble responding in a well behaved manner.
                      You don’t realise but minds with now begin to churn after reading it.
                      Better.

                      How could I be upset with anything you write. God sakes!!
                      Do you recall my feelings for you? ❤️

                      Liked by 1 person

                    271. Yes, I know I put the title in the end. It’s my fucking blog…….

                      Let the minds churn. But please be a good girl, you can be flirty if you want, and hit me with your charm. Others do. Why can’t you?

                      And please always feel free to drop your little haert after your comments. I love it.

                      I will enever forget your feelings….

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                    272. You are adorable.
                      I love that you put the title in. Don’t misunderstand me.

                      I would never do or say anything to upset your blog, I told you that ages ago and meant it. I love your blog too remember!

                      And there I was thinking I WAS charming you all this time…must try harder

                      I will respond baby. It’ll take a while. I’m a little too addicted to our conversations at the moment.

                      Please don’t. Ever. They are very real and precious

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                    273. I figured you would like the last line. Let me tell you of all of the things you have written that one resonated deep inside. It will have a lasting affect.

                      No, you are always sweet and charming, just don’t be scared to drop a little flirt if you want. If you don’t show a little interest, people may think you are trying to ide something. Got me?

                      You are precious from head to toe, heart, and soul.

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                    274. Oh the sweet complications of hiding yet showing.. it excites me I have to say.
                      I just started replying but then you appeared again so I’ll get back to it slowly lol.
                      Really? About the poem today i mean. As soon as I hit publish I got a really good feeling. It was something special for me writing words for something you’d said to me in a tender little moment. Unlike anything else.

                      If only I could fully express what the things you say mean to me.

                      Have you thought about our collab? To be honest I have but I haven’t come up with anything more yet. It’s like my brain is too full of you and everything is scrambling for attention. Even though it’s us writing it ..you get what I mean

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                    275. My brain is only in Fiery mode. I have that opening line saved and have not been able to come up with a thing. And I feel very creative lately, but nothing comes to me.

                      Just thoughts of you.

                      You can express whatever you want, it will just be a bit challenging

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                    276. I like a challenge sometimes. I won’t disappoint.. promise.
                      I know, it’s the same for me. Except obviously I am all love for the lonely author mode.
                      Just leave it. It will come. You’ve got both of your poems from next week done so that must free up some mind space lol. Monday is so far away…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    278. You know I forgot to eat the whole day yesterday until the evening.
                      Don’t get mad. Lol.
                      No I DID eat breakfast. Then I forgot about food and other trivial matters lol.
                      It’s cool though. My body is looking better than ever!
                      😂
                      Now you’re supposed to laugh…❤️

                      Liked by 1 person

                    285. Oh…fuck yes.

                      You’re amazing. ❤️

                      My reply to that will have to wait though. Which is great, I want your comment to stew nice a good there on your blog.

                      I need to be here now though because the countdown has begun to break my heart

                      Liked by 1 person

                    302. Well this lady definitely likes it. They love it.They think it is for them, others sit guessing who it could be for .

                      You are charming and enchanting everyone lately. I love watching it

                      Liked by 1 person

                    304. You do. More than I have ever experienced, seriously seriously.
                      It only doesn’t bother me because you make me feel beyond special. And all I want is for you to be you. You have to be. It’s very important. It’s a strong feeling I have.
                      I probably adore you more

                      Liked by 1 person

                    326. My god…really?
                      Did you know that I love any mention of universes and stars and galaxies and all the heavenly bodies? Does things to my soul.

                      You couldn’t be writing a more perfect poem.

                      Huge sigh baby

                      Liked by 1 person

                    354. LOL . Doing some spring cleaning or what I like to call throwing our the trash on my blog.
                      Trying to unfollow everyone I follow faithfully but never stop at my blog. I have to many people that are faithful that deserve my follow, why waste my time with phonys.

                      This will help me free up more time for me.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    393. I don’t mind your sleepy state.
                      I am just a bit off today. Long day and it’s only afternoon.

                      You’ve pretty much cured me of my ‘reading too much into things you say’ thingy

                      That’s a big deal for me. So we’ll done you, lol ♡

                      Liked by 1 person

                    395. Lol with you so far!

                      Yes I wouldn’t normally be but instead of little one taking a nap which is what I am trying to do as we speak, someone else is napping so…aprovechar momento (excuse the spelling)

                      Liked by 1 person

                    396. Tenemos que aprovechar cada momento Bella.

                      Hey, I mentioned you to a blogger the other day. Every Saturday, he plays a pronoun game on his blog. This Saturday it was “MY.”
                      Everyone had to name a song that has My in the title, I told him you may want to play. I know you love music. You can join . in on Monday. The blog – A Frank Angle.

                      My selectiomn for My was “My My My” a soulful song by Johnny Gill from back in the 90s. He said if you decide to join. To introduc yourself and let him know you are a friend of the Lonely Author. He is a pretty faithful follower too. You know I don’t have too many dudes on my blog. He is one of the few.

                      Sorry, if your not interested. I though you would be. I guess in my stupid mind it was my chance to introduce some special to me. Kind of like showing you off. I guess.

                      Silly me.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    398. I want to make you tingle.
                      Take a peak when you can. Let him know you are my friend. He make joke about you being one from my concubine. He teases me like that often. Read the comments on “MY”
                      You can’t repeat a song already there. BUt my is pretty easy.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    406. Have a few more minutes.

                      Thinking of deleting today’s poem.
                      I usually do need to write something darker once in a while, but I feel like it doesn’t belong or something.
                      What do you think?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    410. Lol.
                      Already gone.
                      I didn’t have a good feeling about it anyway.
                      I am all about instinct with my blog
                      Felt okay when i posted. Then it didn’t.
                      So its gone.

                      I’ll write in the morning when i am.less cloudy
                      ♥

                      Liked by 1 person

                    412. Well..awww first of all!

                      And secondly I agree with you baby.
                      My writing is also …shifting and changing because of you. .. and this wasn’t a reflection of that . It’s the dark parts of my head. I got it out felt better now I can trash it . It’s like super cheap therapy lol.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    414. Oh my gosh. ..really?
                      I can’t tell you how happy that makes me for you and your blog and the effect it’s having on people.
                      But also a teeny bit happy for me too..

                      Liked by 1 person

                    416. I know that baby. ..
                      I still don’t think ive properly expressed how that makes me feel. I have so much love for you.

                      They see your heart in your poems because you’re not holding it back. It’s beautiful. To everyone.

                      But more so to me ♥

                      Liked by 1 person

                    422. Hey

                      So a bit of good news.
                      In about 20 mins I will have an hour and a half-day to myself.

                      Didn’t know about it until just now.

                      If you’re here baby. No pressure ever, lol

                      Liked by 1 person

                    442. Hi baby.

                      I thought maybe that would happen..
                      It’s okay!
                      Just be hilarious and charming and I am sure once they read her response to it they won’t.
                      I have so much to say about it.

                      I loved it. So much

                      Don’t even know where to start…
                      I could write a 2000 word essay about it.

                      And that’s not including what I will say about it to you only in private.

                      It’s more than Amazing

                      Like

                    463. This is what I was talking about in my comment. About the particles.

                      “I think about what love is. Do I know? Probably not. But it could be…
                      Indescribable, infinitesimal, interdimensional particles, glowing, flickering between us in the beautiful, pulsating , endless, infinite space between us… electrified, sparking, sparkling, alive yet belonging to both…ripping through my heart, mind, soul (in that order), whizzing through time and space, tearing pieces of me out and flying them to you, ripping through your heart, mind , soul, embedding themselves inside you, placing the twinkling, glowing particles of me inside you, whizzing and shredding out pieces of you, flying soaring at indescribable speed back through the ether to me , slicing through me, leaving remnants of you inside me, then ripping out more of me, traversing through the burning dimensions, tearing into you…ad infinitum…until we are a sonorous, harmonious, melodious, medley of particles of me and you ripped to pieces, embedded forever, in a magniloquent, grandiloquent merging of sparkling, glowing, particles of… us.”

                      Spooky right.

                      Like

                    464. Did you like my song choice on your friend’s blog by the way? You never said.

                      I listened to your song.
                      Never heard it before.
                      But all I had in my mind was this image of you playing that song, turning the lights down and turning on the romance, lol.

                      I bet you do that all the time ..

                      Liked by 1 person

                    470. Hey.
                      Wrote you another reply before this one.
                      Just went and read G’s comment. I think it will settle things. She was actually very charming and complimentary to you and very platonic.
                      Don’t worry
                      Also from what I can see, it’s mainly Aruna that made the bold statement and I don’t think anyone will give her comment much attention.
                      If you need anything from me , just ask
                      Sleep well sleepy

                      Liked by 1 person

                    471. Thank you for this.
                      Asd for Aruna, entertain yourself. When you have a moment search for her comments on the previous post. You asked to come live with me and be my servant. Seriously.

                      She leaves comments sporadically. Not on one comment chain. So you may have to skim all of the comments to find all of hers.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    472. I read those. I wanted to mention them to you yesterday but I didn’t want to waste any time talking about other people!
                      So…odd but like… weirdly innocent!
                      No need to thank me. I just say what I feel. Can’t help it

                      Liked by 1 person

                    482. God, I know. I am still reading it every 5 minutes.

                      Lol, that’s cool. She’s so funny and sweet.
                      I love your devilish side. How many times must I tell you.

                      You did confess… Not forgiven for keeping
                      it a secrett from me for a while. But really… totally forgiven

                      Liked by 1 person

                    484. I know agapi. I was joking of course. I knew how you felt. When I told you my own feelings it was just for You. I didn’t need you to say anything.
                      But you did
                      And my heart …well you know the rest

                      Liked by 1 person

                    486. Please never stop saying these things to me.

                      I have to go now. I am so sorry baby. I thought I had more time.
                      I’ll be back with you around 2 ish your time.

                      So so much ❤️
                      Never letting go

                      Liked by 1 person

                    493. Yes, I am still responding to comments. Aruna is going a little haywired. G was wonderful to me.

                      At this time of day it already has over 160 likes.
                      It almost feels like the good old days.

                      Thursday is Thanksgiving here. So, I won’t be posting. Wednesday, I will spend the entire day in the street. (I will be available to you).

                      So, I am thinking of posting my second post of the week tomorrow. What do you think?
                      It is the universe post.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    500. I have a hypothetical question. Just think about it and humour me.
                      I let’s say around April time there was a period of time where I may be here alone for a few days due to a possible trip abroad for others, would you consider a trip to London.

                      Hypothetically speaking.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    504. I was thinking about that actually.
                      Love hung in her closet showed me another side to you. I started to think about how you felt about me
                      Never sent to you made me cry my eyes out.
                      Love and poetry made my heart race for you.
                      Vagabond days made me WISH it was for me (I didn’t know at the time)

                      But this one made me fall even deeper.

                      It’s this one

                      Liked by 1 person

                    549. I really believed it.
                      I never meant that you would mean to do anything to hurt me. But things feel different now. It makes less sense now.
                      I won’t stop this.

                      There are a lot more good things coming for your soul from me

                      Liked by 1 person

                    584. Wish you could see my smile.

                      No idea,! I had a few thoughts, I have to wait for my instinct to kick in in the morning.

                      When did you realise all my poetry had started to be about you

                      Liked by 1 person

                    588. How funny though..we both wanted the same thing.

                      By the way I can see all your replies zooming in, lol. I want to save them till tomorrow.

                      Going to sleep now baby.

                      Oh don’t forget…

                      I love you ❤️

                      Liked by 1 person

                    590. Still torn between a poem that’s a special…something for you (no change there) or another vignette. I even considered reciting and recording it , but I’m not sure yet.
                      So the basic gist of this is…I am not sure! Lol.

                      I have so many poems in my head about you and us and the effect you’ve had on me. They are wrestling with each other to escape my head.
                      No not mud wrestling naked, you perv

                      Like

                    601. Lol, I know!

                      After your first message this morning I was so tempted to tell you to just call me. I was worried you were sitting there torturing yourself and I wanted to make you feel better 💋

                      Liked by 1 person

                    619. Makes a lot of sense. How could it not.
                      I was just about to tell you leave my comment til last to respond and when you find them comment that’s only for you. ..leave that until you’re going to bed

                      Liked by 1 person

                    630. I freaked out when I woke up and read the early comments.

                      1- I didn’t want to offend my good friend G
                      2 How will my dear Fiery react
                      3- People are misinterpreting this thing
                      4- How will my dear Fiery react
                      5- Should I take it down
                      7- How will my dear Fiery react
                      8- How will my dear Fiery react

                      Liked by 1 person

                    631. Aw…poor baby! Don’t EVER worry about how I will react
                      I will always talk to you first if I ever feel anything negative. I didn’t. I get why they (stupidly) reacted that way. People don’t wait for their brains to make the right connections before they open their mouths.
                      The only thing I thought was she may think it’s for her! She didn’t. Even if she did, so what. I know you. And what you meant and felt.
                      Please don’t take it down. God I would be heartbroken. Plus look now the comments your getting. They are perfect. And the likes are through the effing roof! Already!
                      Never worry about my reactions. I only want to make you feel good.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    634. I hear loving in silence is a sin……
                      so let me fry.

                      A little teary eyed here.

                      Read Stella’s latest poem. She floored me.

                      Also I commented to Frank on his first reply to you. Read what I said when you have a chance.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    635. Burning along side you baby.

                      Kissing your tears.

                      I will read it. Love how she writes.

                      I will go and read your reply. He also commented on my poem that I posted last night, “Heart Errands” a much better replacement to the one I had written and trashed. He mentions you. I mention you back and I am very well behaved.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    638. So funny. I am listening to Taki Taki right now and it fit with your kissy kissy.
                      Have you heard it?
                      I kind of like it A LOT but I can’t decide if I like this Cardi B woman, or whether I just think she needs a good wash and some decent clothes lol

                      Liked by 1 person

                    644. Very funny, cheeky.
                      It’s hilarious to me when you reply to my flood of messages so long after. Mostly I don’t remember what I was saying to you and your responses are like my own personal sitcom.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    650. So cade means every, right?

                      You know it’s the same in Greek.
                      Except it’s a soft ‘th’ sound instead of a harder one.
                      Thought that was funny. Never realised before

                      Liked by 1 person

                    671. Victoria Ray and I justice mentioned you in the comments on. A Lonely Kind of Beautiful. For the record, I DID NOT START IT! It’s very innocent but very complimentary to you.
                      I am.being a very good girl.

                      Like

                    684. Hold the door open to the restaurant…you walk in, slap your arse. Man stops us on the corner to ask for directions. Slowly tell him as I deeply fondle your arse.

                      I love to do those things. Grab your breast as the waiter asks us if we want desert.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    703. You won’t believe this. I blogged the entire day yesterday just to catch up with my blog reading and with the pile of comments that I could never catch up with.

                      Well, at this moment, the only thing I have to reply to is your comment on today’s post.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    710. I try to be. Everyone wants some of you these days..it’s like a magic spell.
                      I never want to fight with you. Even mentioning that makes me feel a little sick. Couldn’t ever think of a reason to .

                      You keep getting amazing comments. You should be so happy baby.

                      Well…I stalk you only because I want you in a very bad way. I am happy I’m doing it well lol

                      Liked by 1 person

                    711. It has been magical since I returned. Words are flowing through me Baby. I can’t explain it.
                      Never happened before. Not like this,
                      Honestly, I am even enjoying my poetry. LOL

                      Hey, just to let you know, Monday’s post, which just popped into my head a few minutes ago (and written in its entirety within minutes) will be a little light and humorous.

                      I haven’t done that in a while.
                      The title is ” I shall never write of love again.”
                      Curious to see the reactions. Smiling hard.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    712. You don’t have to explain. I get it. It makes me so happy. Bit teary sometimes. But in a good way. I want you to enjoy your poetry! You should. It is special.

                      Well that sounds like a brilliant title. Looking forward to it.
                      So you’re happy with your poem today, the reactions etc? You should be. Thank you for your reply btw. I’ll reply later. Or maybe I’ll just pop a ❤️ as a reply to make your life easier, lol

                      Liked by 1 person

                    713. LOL .
                      You are changing so many things for me Amor.
                      Very touched by you and your soul. I feel our souls connected.

                      Oh, and some new blogger named Blank (with only one follower) was scouring my blog last night. Like dozens of posts. But it wasn’t the like like like thing. They were taking their time.
                      Time enough to read the comments opr at least to skim them. Just thought I would let you know.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    729. Just replied….
                      Okay you mentioned tomorrow. mañana I will be on the orad ost of the day. So there will be no email availability. I will comment on an old post of your if you don’t mind and we start our chats there.
                      Thursday, I maybe have a moment here and there, but I won’t be available until my evening.

                      And Friday we are talking

                      Liked by 1 person

                    730. Yes please do that.
                      I understand about Thursday baby. It will be ridiculously lonely without you but you’ll be doing something amazing for others. Food for your soul, you know.

                      And Friday. Yes. Can’t actually wait. I’m nervous. No surprise there lol

                      Liked by 1 person

                    736. Replied. I don’t think it needs a response. ❤️

                      Oh I see.. I will want you more after Friday…

                      I don’t doubt that. It will be the final push over the edge for me

                      Liked by 1 person

                    739. You shall receive it.
                      Almost replied incorrectly to you. I have been chatting with my future servant on yesterday’s post. LMFAO

                      Has me all confused. She was talking about traveling the world. When she told me she wants to see Amazon, I was thinking in terms of the website.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    740. Laughing my head off!
                      You have soooooooo much patience with her. Don’t know how you do it.

                      You know…I am little more shy in person than I am here. So expect a little of that, lol

                      Liked by 1 person

                    743. Hahaha . I can’t hurt someone. Not on purpose. But I can if they try to hurt me.

                      Confession time. Be honest with me.
                      I always preach love, kindness, gratitude, and forgiveness.

                      Am I a hyporcite? I can’t forgiv you know who. It was mean, manipulative, andf hurtful.
                      What are your thoughts

                      Liked by 1 person

                    744. No. You’re not a hypocrite. At all. I am a bit weird with forgiveness. I feel like I can’t forgive certain people. I understand you. You don’t have to if you can’t. It’s a personal thing and I believe that really…deep down, we don’t actually forgive much because we can’t actually ever forget. That’s what I feel anyway.
                      She hurt you. You gave her everything and were willing to give even more. One day she won’t matter to you at all and you won’t even think of her. And then you’ll be more at peace and won’t give a fuxk about forgiving her. You’re both getting on with things and she didn’t deserve you. I can’t stand manipulators Andrew. I just can’t.
                      So don’t torture yourself. Fill yourself with love and everything else will follow

                      Liked by 1 person

                    745. You called me Andrew……..aaaaw

                      I have argued about forgiveness. Cause I always say, I forgive but I don’t forget. No one is goiong to hurt me twice.

                      Enough about gh from the past
                      what did I say in if you let me
                      You conquered the gf come and gone

                      Liked by 1 person

                    746. I did …like a warrior goddess of poetry and love.
                      That’s who I am in my head lol.

                      I called you Andrew because I was being super duper serious. And I find it crazy hot if I dont do it too often …

                      Liked by 1 person

                    748. They definitely are thinking that.
                      They probably can’t work out why you’re not completely discouraging me.
                      Entertains me A LOT

                      Oh I love doing that.
                      Such a turn on.

                      But Andrew is a whole…. different level

                      Liked by 1 person

                    754. I’ll think about it. I never want to over load with the voice in the blog. Ruins the magic lol
                      But I would want to do it for you.

                      Touching you deeply is a priority

                      Liked by 1 person

                    782. You know I think tomorrow I’ll be writing another little steamy scene.
                      You won’t be around much so… I’ll need lonely author fuel to get me through the day lol

                      Liked by 1 person

                    792. Oh you know… Me too. I almost felt like never writing again after that! Or like pinning it to the home page of my blog.

                      That’s all you that poem. Wouldn’t exist without you ❤️

                      Liked by 1 person

                    856. Laughing so hard.
                      There have been other poems that left me thinking to be honest.

                      I indulged her. LOL . Guilty as charged. Yes, I toild her what brought me there. I really did like the piece. I bet most men were intrigued by it.

                      So, do I try to charm the pants off of you?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    863. Hey.

                      Hope you’re not still worrying  about the reactions. I wrote you a couple of messages about that earlier this morning

                      I don’t know where I am going to send you this yet, by email or or in our messages because it’s going to be long.

                      I won’t comment on your poem yet until you wake up and we talk a bit.

                      I am writing this in my drafts, yes I am DRAFTING my response to you. My nerdy side just won’t stop.

                      Your poem … speechless.

                      I am just going to tell you my first two reactions and I will save my deep analysis of like, EVERY word for your blog.

                      First.

                      I love you. Maybe a little too much

                      Felt your feelings coming off the words is the only way I can describe it. I felt like I have never read anything like this from you. Ever. And I have read pretty much everything you’ve posted.

                      It was a you that even i have never seen, even here in private, when it just Us. This is something so different. It’s very, very raw and bare and very deep, maybe more than you realise  and did you realise how much shorter it is than anything else you’ve written but you’ve said more here than in anything else. And it feels unfiltered.  It was like every single word was thick and heavy with feeling. Pressed on my heart. And the etched in stone…so perfect.

                      Second.

                      After I had read it for the 5th or 6th time, I began to have a lot of very bad bad thoughts. I mean bad as in good.

                      My first thought was if you were ever going to recite a poem to me, I would want this one. (I know that’s not a bad thought- wait)

                      But I would want it whispered in my ear softly while you’re taking me hard.

                      And I won’t even get started on my thoughts of us doing  very bad things in an inappropriate setting, at night, by candlelight ..in a church.

                      Sorry… I couldn’t NOT tell you that part. I may regret that paragraph!

                      See what you do to me?

                      But …you couldn’t have replied to my confession to you in a more perfect way.

                      You may have sent me past the point of no return.

                      I felt you in every word.

                      ❤️

                      Like

                    864. Drafting your responses to me. LMFAO
                      No you never have read anything like this from me. It was a huger admission.
                      You mean bad as in GREAT and HOT. Love it.
                      I will recite it to you
                      Point of no return…I gues you are joining me.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    865. I know!
                      Told you, I am a huge nerd.
                      I am enjoying your new found open heart.

                      Yes. That’s what I meant. I have many a bad thought about you.
                      .

                      Not even thinking about you reciting that to me right now because I need to actually have my brain functioning and sometimes you prevent normal thought

                      Im happy you’re already there, lol.
                      It is a beautiful view from here though

                      Liked by 1 person

                    896. Forgotten all about that. Have this Fiery chick all in my head.

                      I have so many posts sitting on the blog waiting to be posted from that period that everything ended exGf.
                      Don’t know what to do with them.

                      One is a poem about being set free.
                      I should forget them, right?
                      Why reopen any of that shit.

                      What do.you opine?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    913. So that day when you emailed me how you felt i replied and we were back and forth a little. .you know i sent you a little voice recording that night..did you ever listen to it?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    921. The only good thing to come out of me going back there was that eventually it led to my beautiful little boy..but he is so very me…you known I feel I always wouldn’t have had hin, matter what.

                      You.
                      Of course you my lonely author

                      Liked by 1 person

                    929. Haha . There a nice comments still coming in for Monday’s post “if you let me.”

                      I think that one will help bring back the crowd I had before. Didn’t write it for that purpose, it was my secret message to you, but it may help revive the blog.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    977. A little time left. But I may disappear without a goodbye, so don’t be surprised.
                      But you have so much to read and enjoy on your blog and one veeery long comment from someone which of course you can leave until the very end.
                      I am still here but in case, I will be back for about half an hour around 2ish your time.

                      Liked by 1 person

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