The Baby Said, “Oh Shit.”

Published on by thelonelyauthorblog

My day started like any other day cursing the literary Gods for not publishing my brilliant novel while standing in the kitchen adding sweetener to my morning coffee. Knocking the jar over, the delicious whiteness spilled onto the counter. Before I could fret over the sudden delay in my morning fix or over the rising cost of sugar, the baby said, “Oh shit.”

The child looked at me and smiled.

The thought “don’t laugh” echoed in my skull like an obnoxious car alarm screeching in the freakin’ middle of the night. Where did she learn such an appropriate phrase? And I say appropriate only because she used it in all its contextual glory with perfect pronunciation and intonation; all this from a two year old who to this day won’t say her own name.

Did she learn this language watching Peppa Pig? Or has SpongeBob gotten his Square Pants in a bunch? Where in the world could she haven’t learned this language?

Taking the low road as any respectful male adult would do, I chose to ignore her choice of words as if this mere act could strike the phrase from her memory. After making a mental note to advise my wife of the baby’s newest vocabulary word, I started cleaning up the mess.

As fate would have it, I stubbed my big toe and a thousand thunder bolts attacked my aching appendage like Walmart shoppers on Black Friday. Before I could bite my lip I uttered, “Oh shit.”

Baby looked at me. She raised her thick brows and smiled.

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36 thoughts on “The Baby Said, “Oh Shit.””

  1. Haha – my almost-two-year-old has taken to yelling “Oh come on people!” when we’re driving. In almost every appropriate situation and with perfect inflection. Where do they come up with this stuff?!

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  2. It is amazing how little children come up with this stuff and then use it in the perfect situation. Bravo to your two year old. Oh shit is a simple phrase, but “Oh come on people.” I’m impressed. Rebecca thanks for stopping by to comment on my blog. Greatly appreciated. Enjoy your toddler.

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  8. Yeah so far three babies out of my four have used that phrase. I like how each time it happens I say oh my goodness no no no sweetheart where did you get that from? Like I do not already know lol.

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  9. Ha Ha I love it! Nothing for it but to teach context. Brother used to tell his son ‘some words are only said when Mummy’s not around; some are only said in your bedroom with the door shut.’ Kids live in the real world and are a fast study.

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  12. LOVE this story! But did you all not know that there are little profanity fairies that pop in and out of toddlers’ bedrooms in the middle of the night, whispering faintly blue phrases into your darlings’ ears? And then advising them to practice their new words in the most inappropriate places – like in church, in front of a police officer who just pulled you over, or in front of your in-laws? Heh-heh-heh!

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      1. When my daughter, Tara, was born in 1983, she was a wee 5 lbs, 10 oz. When she was two weeks old, I took her with me to grocery shop. She’s all strapped in her baby seat that is strapped to the grocery cart, looking angelic and cherubic, when she cut the loudest, wettest fart. My mouth dropped open in amazement that such a stinky loud noise could come out of such a tiny baby! There was another woman shopping a bit further down the aisle who turned around and gave me the dirtiest look. Embarrassed, I quickly left that aisle but dab nab it, a couple of aisles over, with the same woman in that aisle as well, Tara did it again! Only this time she drrraaaggged the noise out. That woman glared at me as she said that I was disgusting and I immediately retorted back that that noise had come from my baby, not from me! Then she was even more angry because I was blaming those disgusting noises on my little baby. Meanwhile Tara has a huge, innocent smile on her face (probably from relief from all of that pent-up gas) and I was now so embarrassed that I quickly unstrapped her, abandoned the cart and got the hell out of there! Once I got home though and replayed the scenario in my head, I put a stitch in my side from laughing so hard! But it did take me a helluva long time before I would dare to venture through that particular store again 😀

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