Dear Lonely Author (Advice for Writers, Bloggers, and the Lovelorn)

Published on by thelonelyauthorblog

Dear Lonely Author,

I recently married. My young bride is learning how to cook. A month ago she asked me, “What do you think about my rump roast?” I answered her honestly, now I have a sexless marriage. What can I do to win her back?

Signed

Mickey in LA

———-

Dear Laboratory Rat,

When it comes to your bride’s toxic cuisine honesty is the worst policy. Believe in what I say. Lonely Author has completed many chapters of his novels while exiled on the sofa for a lonely evening. Questions about her rump roast or any rump for that matter, should never be discussed. And while we are on the subject of dangerous questions, beware of the infamous do these pants make me look fat? Buy her roses, buy yourself Alka-Seltzer, and next time ask for a second helping.

Signed

Lonely Author

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Dear Lonely Author,

As you know, I had much success with my Twilight series of novels. So much success, I am intimidated and incapable of writing new books about other characters. What should I do?

Signed

Needing to write fresh Stephenie Meyer

———-

Dear Steph.

I must admit you had tremendous success with your novels. Read and enjoyed each one. However, I am sorry to inform you that I watched the movies (at fifteen bucks a pop). Trust me your vampires weren’t the only thing that sucked. Move on.

Signed

Lonely Author

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Everyone have wonderful week.

Keep writing.

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97 thoughts on “Dear Lonely Author (Advice for Writers, Bloggers, and the Lovelorn)”

  9. I love the wit! You nailed the recommendations. My wife asked me what I thought about her new hair style. I told her it looked easy to manage. I’m enjoying the quiet time offered by this lovely hotel. They don’t even mind the decorations I have installed since I was informed that this would be my temporary residence until my wife’s hair grows back. I probably should have sent you a note asking for advice BEFORE making the comment. 😀

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  12. That was soooo funny! Especially your vampire response, giggle! However, I am a female, but I have never, ever understood why some women get all pissy-huffy if they get an answer that is opposite of the one they want to hear when they ask those “loaded” questions. If you think you might not like the answer, then don’t ask the question. Why punish the poor guy for being honest, sheesh! Put on your big-girl panties, grow up, and stop trying to put your man through stupid hoops just because you think you can get away with it.

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    1. God bless you. Love your response. If you don’t want the truth, don’t ask. Remember Jack Nicholson, “you can’t handle the truth.” lol In my younger days, I should of joined the circus from all the hoops I jumped through. Thanks for commenting.

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      1. Oh wow, I forgot about Jack’s infamous line, and yeah, that is always quite appropriate. But to make a counter point, some guys can hold that hoop as well, and yeah, I hears ya about the circus that I should have also joined back in da day lol. A few decades ago, I just grabbed their hoop, said See Ya, and left their big-top lol! And my life has been so much more peaceful and calmer. To quote Martha Stewart: “It’s a good thing” lol.

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    1. I enjoyed the books. I think they could have found a better actor to be Edward. That guy was so bland. I just read she planning on writing more books with the same characters. So it is the same story through the eyes of Edward. Thanks for stopping by..

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          1. Absolutely yes. I view Monday as a new start… exciting ventures, possibilities and the gift of yet another wonderful day. It is also my day for planning my week and blitzing the house in silly clothes while listening to upbeat music.

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  22. I can sometimes have days when I’m a bit of a cluster…. and yesterday was a prime example of just that as I dropped things, knocked things over, forgot words and was generally ditzy. I have to laugh though as it’s somewhat funny to onlookers. I think it is mind and body overload. Everything then reverts to SAFE mode. A bit like a computer.

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      1. The feeling is mutual.

        When most people find a reason not to do something, I’ll be the one who find the reason why……a bit like running in the rain as it gives me a chance to jump in puddles and get filthy dirty.

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