Thank you for all of the beautiful messages of concern. They warm my battered heart. I will be responding to every single one of them.

After weeks of life threatening blood pressure levels, we finally have it down to near normal levels. Now, we begin the process of repairing my heart.

When I first returned to Florida, I purchased a ticket to a New Years Eve Masquerade ball. Tonight, I will sit at the bar DRINKING WATER, watching OTHERS DANCE, as I welcome in the New Year in a room of masked strangers.


chilly winds of melancholy
blew memories through my window
inducing a crescendo of shivers
waltzing on my flesh
haunting players of unrequited love
perform in this lonely masquerade
a sadistic, nightmare revue
as my mirror reflects
a face cloaked in smiles and laughs
failing to mask the pain
of another year without you

Happy and healthy 2020.

288 thoughts on “masquerade

  1. Lonely, this is a very haunting poem.
    It is very excellent, yet, haunts.
    It makes me think that life itself is a masquerade. After all, we don’t really know anything.
    Your health update seems more positive than the last post. Your heart is broken. It will get fixed. You will dance and have another drink! Happy New Year & Happy New Decade!


  2. Oh, this poem just breaks my heart… I can feel the pain in it. She is out there and waiting for you. GLAD to hear your blood pressure is better. I wish you a happy, healthy, loving new year! ❤ ❤ ❤


  3. The poem is beautiful as usual but it dug its claw so deep inside my emotion, couple with information of your situation … My heart feels as if it’s being squeezed right now 😭
    I hope all your dreams come true this year, but more than anything I wish you health and strength to fight every trials. Stay strong Drew! Happy new year… 🙂


  4. Yay! Happiest 2020 wishes my friend♥️
    You’ve been in my prayers – I’m so happy to hear you’re improving😊
    One moment at a time..
    Love your words as always – they are so full of life and intrigue 💕


  5. Dear Drew, happy new year my dear friend, it’s so good to hear from you. I’ve missed you, your warmth and the words that always touch my heart. I pray that you’ll heal well and that 2020 brings you love, good health and all the joy and peace you deserve. As for your poem, it’s beautiful and quite poignant. We all wear our masks don’t we?
    Sending you much love from me here down under. xx ❤️


  6. Andrew… I’m not writing in response to a poem now, I’m just writing because my worry level of you has gone from ‘moderate’ to whatever the next category/level is… ‘extreme?’ If you are ok and you just don’t feel like WP, or messages like this, apologies from me, and please don’t feel you need to respond. But, i have felt this urge to touch base with you for a while now, to check in, to have you know you’re in my thoughts. I have come to think of you as a friend (as well as awesome poet of course) over this past year of blogging… and, well, I’m fretting, wondering if you’re ok. I know what it’s like to have a life threatening illness…. and it’s often not the things that people would expect that are the most difficult about it. I just wanted to extent a hand and a thought to you Andrew. Don’t worry though, no matter what, no emojis.

    Rachel xoxox


    1. Dear Rachel

      Thank you for this beautiful message. I recieved it on a lonely night, where I was feeling alone and forgotten. My heart and soul desperately needed this message.

      Wanted to give you a little update. My appointment did not go well. The cardiologist confirmed what my primary doctor told me. I suffered two heart attacks in December and although my blood pressure is currently under control, my heart is getting weaker.

      Parts of my heart are not functioning properly, forcing the rest of my heart to work harder. I will have a procedure in April that SHOULD reverse the damage, but there is no guarantee that it will work. He said that 1,000 hearts in my condition will fail to survive this procedure one in a thousand times. Should I decide to not have the procedure he is certain parts of my heart will completey shut down within two to three years.

      Thank you for your wonderful support you beautiful caring woman. I have always felt a connection with you and your writing. Don’t know what it is. Maybe’s its the way we are both broken. Your jagged pieces always seem to fit perfectly into mine.

      Thank you for your support and friendship.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This message, has moved me to tears. Thank you, for taking the time to respond, such a testimony to the kind of person you are. I am so sorry that you did not get the news you wanted. That sounds too light for this I know. My thoughts wrap around you in a burrito type hug. I am glad you are having this procedure but I bet it is absolutely terrifying to consider. I see you as so strong Andrew, you have this courage in you, I know you do. I send you love and strength.

        Andrew. In response to the rest, I have always felt this connection too, you touch people, but more personally, you have touched me. I have always seen you as a very special person with an incredible beautiful soul. “Your jagged pieces always seem to fit perfectly into mine. Thank you for your support and friendship.” I feel like I could have written that, directed from me to you. You have on several occasions made me feel like my broken was beautiful, and made me feel ‘seen.’ I can only begin to hope you know how much that means.

        Take care of yourself honey, and let others take care of you. Thank you a million times over for this message.


        1. Oh, Rachel. It has been so difficult replying to the overwhelming response of well wishers.
          The concern, prayers, and beautiful words let me know I am not alone. It oftens sets me off
          on tears and affects my blood pressure. So getting back has been a challenge.

          Your delivered your words on a day where I did not post. I was alone in the darkness of my home.
          Laying in bed, wondering if I wouild ever get better. Honestly, I was feeling so alone, then
          your message popped in just when I needed it. Funny, how life gives us what we need in the precise
          moment we need it.

          And yes, I have always felt a connection with you and your writing. I admire your talent, writing,
          the surivival instinct I suspect you have, and most of all the amazing woman who is my friend.

          I would like to correct your on one thing you said, if I may.
          You broken is absolutely GORGEOUS.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I am so glad my message was received at a time you needed it. I like to think of the universe connecting us and looking after us in those ways. I am sorry though if responding to my messages ever feels like it adds to your burden – I always feel hesitant knowing the sheer volume of people who adore and interact with you. I don’t want to precipitate tears or affect your blood pressure!! The opposite. Having said that, you have a special place in my heart so I can’t promise I won’t reach out to you from time to time. I’ll try and keep myself in check.

            My broken is gorgeous? It’s your soul that’s gorgeous. I’m so happy you’re taking some rest now at the beach and with plenty of people to look after you. I have my fingers crossed re the particular nurse you were hoping for 😂. Sending love and hugs to you xoxo


    1. Hello Aruna. I am struggling with all of the medications the doctors have prescribed. The pills are very strong
      and thery have terrible side affects. So, I have been struggling with everything, but I am getting better.
      Thank you for your blessings and your loyal friendship. I cherish your loyalty.
      Thank you for everything. I hope you and your family are well. xo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh,my dear friend!! Welcome for your reply.after going you,i was most frightened but believe on God.pray for you,only for you.please don’t worry about me.i am fine and waiting for you,only for well,my dear dew!! Take your best care.when you will be fully well and healthy then we both will talk more n more with love.right my dear friend dew⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘xoxoxoxo
        God bless you.🕇🕇🕇🕇


  7. You may be surprised at how many masked strangers were going through traumas just like you. I am thrilled your blood pressure is back to “normal”. One step at a time, my friend. Being at the party was a blessing itself.


    1. That I am still alive is a blessing.
      Thank you for your lovely message. It warms my aching heart to know that I am not alone
      and people are truly concerned. Thanks for taking the time out to share your words and
      thoughts. It means a lot.
      Very grateful for your kind message of support.


    1. Thank you for this thoughtful message. It came at a time I needed it. I was feeling very lonely and to hear others were concerned, well, it warmed my aching heart.
      Now, I am taking things one day at a time. Hopefully, I will be strong enough for my heart
      procedure in April.
      Again, I thank you for your kindness. I feel blessed and very grateful.
      And apologies for this late response. I finally feel well enough to try to tackle these messages.
      Thank you.


  8. Man, I have thought about you a lot and I hope you are doing well. Miss our interactions and I’ll be here when you come back full time, but for now ,nothing but well wishes. Take care.


      1. DON’T you dare let it give out! I’ll be very angry with you…. but I will still love you!
        Hope you love my new post! (I was the model) xoxoxo


          1. Well, if you want to water my plants with your tears, you’ll have to cry me a river, as tears tend to be salt water.
            I’m sure you are capable of a river… I see your poetry as rivers….. rivers of words flowing into the hearts and minds of your many well cared for followers. I say well cared for, because of the time you take to make each feel special, as they are.
            So, cry me a river, dear Lonely, my Begonias are thirsty!

            Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh,my dear special friend!! I am fine ,dear!!now you have to tell -how are you ,my have send this message but i did not much sorry ,dear!! Pray for you to recovering soon.i want to read your sweet verses.bless you,my dew🌷🌷🌷 xo.


  9. I know you turned off comments on your latest post so I’m being super cheeky (sorry, not sorry) 😉

    The meds sound… awful with the side-effects. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of this. The other cardiologist opinions sound somewhat reassuring. What’s the next step, waiting on the tests Wednesday to see what happens next?

    I’m so glad you’ve had Ally come down and your daughter, too. You’re much loved, Drew, never forget that. The park lake looks gorgeous. Soak it up, let it soothe you. Don’t put any extra pressure on yourself to write, we all want you well. Sending best wishes  ♥
    Caz xxxx


    1. Caz,

      I was just going through your blog and I see the content has changed a bit. There are so good messages there.
      But your comments are closed. (Learning from me? LOL). I hope you are well. You are a beautiful woman that
      I admire so much, I would hate to think you are unable to blog as you used to.

      As for me, the meds are killing me. Don’t know if you have seen my latest posts. I need to have a procedure on
      my heart or it may stop functioning in two or three years. Things have been very rough for me.
      Sorry, I am so slow responding, but I really wanted to touch base with you.

      Should you need to talk don’t hesitate to write.

      Missed you.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I have your new post.really i was very happy to see your Allie and hear about your daughter’a are very lucky my dear.your image of sunset is most inspiring for me.plz take your best well.bless you ,my dear dew⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘xo.

    Liked by 1 person

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