Tag: Dear Lonely Author

Dear Lonely Author,

I recently married. My young bride is learning how to cook. A month ago she asked me, “What do you think about my rump roast?” I answered her honestly, now I have a sexless marriage. What can I do to win her back?

Signed

Mickey in LA

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Dear Laboratory Rat,

When it comes to your bride’s toxic cuisine honesty is the worst policy. Believe in what I say. Lonely Author has completed many chapters of his novels while exiled on the sofa for a lonely evening. Questions about her rump roast or any rump for that matter, should never be discussed. And while we are on the subject of dangerous questions, beware of the infamous do these pants make me look fat? Buy her roses, buy yourself Alka-Seltzer, and next time ask for a second helping.

Signed

Lonely Author

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Dear Lonely Author,

As you know, I had much success with my Twilight series of novels. So much success, I am intimidated and incapable of writing new books about other characters. What should I do?

Signed

Needing to write fresh Stephenie Meyer

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Dear Steph.

I must admit you had tremendous success with your novels. Read and enjoyed each one. However, I am sorry to inform you that I watched the movies (at fifteen bucks a pop). Trust me your vampires weren’t the only thing that sucked. Move on.

Signed

Lonely Author

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Everyone have wonderful week.

Keep writing.