Five Things I Learned By Studying Men (That The Women In My Life Admired)

When I was a kid my mother told me to study people.  You can learn so much by watching the habits of a winner.  Learn from the mistakes of losers so you don’t make them yourself.

I took this a step further.  I have always paid attention to the men the women in my life admired.


5 – My mother admired Joe Namath. She wasn’t a football fan, but she admired the way Namath guaranteed the New York Jets would win the Super Bowl III and how he backed it up. She always told me a real man kept his word. Men need to be trusted and keeping your word is the best way to earn trust.


4 – My BFF loves a man who can make her laugh. I believe no man should take himself TOO seriously. The ability to make light of oneself is important. Easing the tension in stressful moments can be a gift. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating a man be a clown. No woman admires that. My philosophy has always been if you can’t laugh at yourself, well, you have no right to laugh at anyone else. And a little laughter si always better than a whole lot of stress.


3 – My Ex had to see every Kevin Costner movie that came out. What do women love about Kevin Costner? He portrays sensitive men, but he is always a MAN. A defender of women. Women hate wimpy whiney buffoons. Sure, they want a man to be sensitive to their needs, desires, good listeners, etc, but first and foremost, he needs to still be a man.

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2 – My daughter Catherine always had a crush for Johnny Castle (the male protagonist from Dirty Dancing). I think she still does. What can you learn from a fictional character? A whole lot about women. Every woman wants to be with a good man, yet they all admire and desire the bad boy. A little bad boy can also help keep the flames burning hopefully avoiding the dulling of romance.


1 – Allie has a thing for the McDreamy character of Grey’s Anatomy played by Patrick Dempsey. The character Derek Shepherd is a neurosurgeon at a hospital in Seattle. Women appreciate intelligence. They love great conversation. Dumb jocks can be fun, but you have to talk sooner or later. DUH.  Intelligent, charming conversation is important to women.

And these are a few thing I have learned by studying the men the ladies in my life admire.

Thanks for reading.

Have a great weekend.

The Butterfly In You

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This is a reenactment of a telephone conversation.

“Well, I’m the kind of girl most guys aren’t interested in. I have stubby legs. So, I am very short. My arms are fat like a wrestler. My butt is average, but it looks small because my boobs are abnormally huge. I hate my smile because I have a crooked tooth. Other men aren’t interested in me, but maybe you would like to meet me.”

That was my first wife describing herself.

When I hung up, I vowed to become her best friend. (I don’t remember what I said to her, she swears she knew she was going to marry me after that first conversation).

We talked on the phone everyday four months. In November, I flew 1350 miles (to the Dominican Republic) to meet my friend.

During conversations with her sisters and her parents, I learned she had been abused by her prior boyfriend of seven years.

When I met her, the wounds from the slaps, punches, kicks, and head slamming against the wall (that was his favorite) all healed.

As you can see by her self description she never healed from the verbal abuse.

My mother always told me “women are sacred.” I feel that in my heart.

You don’t hurt a butterfly.

On nights of introspection, she used to say there’s a little girl inside her that wants to get out.

My style with ALL the women has always been to encourage growth. Explore and experience life. Love yourself. Appreciate who you are. Learn your hidden talents.

Find out who that little girl was meant to be.

With this spread your wings approach, my first wife discovered a talent for languages. My current wife Allie learned she has a talent for drawing, decorating, and photography. My friend in the bad relationship, she finished culinary school.

It is never too late to spread your wings. 

Focusing on your failed relationship will only waste precious time. Forget those lost years. You still have time to live, to explore, to be happy.

But your happiness depends on you. And that starts with loving the person in your mirror. When you learn to love yourself, when you value yourself, you will never permit anyone to hurt you.  There’s nothing more beautiful than a confident butterfly.

So ladies, it is up to you to spread your wings.

Fly. butterfly. fly.


Photo is a selfie taken by my wife Allie.