During a depressing night where my headaches and dizzy spells drained any hope I had, I reached for my phone and discovered an email with a voice recording.
There were delightful pauses in this one sided conversation, but everything about the message, her soft voice, her pauses, her sweetness revitalized me.
Sadly, this little poem does not do justice. I dedicate this to that voice to die for. Thank you. 🌹
a voice came to me
loneliness thundered when a soft voice came to me landing on my five o’clock shadow like a lightning bug determined to tickle my cheek while her little healing light outshined my torment stifling the echoes inside my heart as her deafening silence spoke to me her voice shined like the stars illuminating my night resembling a constellation of fireflies absorbing the darkness in my universe of misery
Basically, parts of my heart are not functioning as they should, forcing the rest of my heart to work harder.
The cardiologist confirmed my primary doctor’s findings, I probably suffered two heartaches in December.
My doctor wants me to undergo a procedure (in April) that should stimulate and revive these slacking walls. THE DOCTOR COULD NOT GUARANTEE this procedure will be successful. He also informed me that out of 1,000 hearts in the conditions that mine is currently in, 1 will not survive the surgery.
He also stated WITHOUT THE PROCEDURE parts of my heart will totally stop functioning within two to three years.
Doc wants me to rest and build up my strength for this procedure, but this time I will not go it alone. My intention is to continue blogging. I will read and approve the 700+ comments that are pending and start fresh. Sorry that my energy levels aren’t where they should be.
My final decision was to have the procedure in April.
And no matter what happens………….I will live, love, laugh. That has always been my philosophy. Why stop now?
Sorry, I have been gone for so long. Feeling a bit better. Relieved that the meds and rest are working.
The second and third opinions of two cardiologists provided hope. They both feel the first doctor overreacted.
What has kept me from blogging are the powerful meds the original doctor prescribed. Six different pills cause awful side affects (severe headaches, dizziness, some confusion). The side affects have been overwhelming.
On Wednesday, I have two important tests to pass. Good results will lead to my meds being removed or reduced.
My old time followers know this special lady. Ally flew down from New York for ten days to drive me to important appointments. My daughter also flew down three times in the past 2 month.
Fighting with doctors, I was finally granted approval to resume light exercise. This is my view as I walk laps around the lake behind my apartment complex. That stunning sunset accompanied me one night.
Haven’t made any attempts to write. So, I will be rusty. Perhaps the sunsets will help me find my creative mojo.
Thank you for all of the beautiful messages of concern. They warm my battered heart. I will be responding to every single one of them.
After weeks of life threatening blood pressure levels, we finally have it down to near normal levels. Now, we begin the process of repairing my heart.
When I first returned to Florida, I purchased a ticket to a New Years Eve Masquerade ball. Tonight, I will sit at the bar DRINKING WATER, watching OTHERS DANCE, as I welcome in the New Year in a room of masked strangers.
chilly winds of melancholy blew memories through my window inducing a crescendo of shivers waltzing on my flesh haunting players of unrequited love perform in this lonely masquerade a sadistic, nightmare revue as my mirror reflects a face cloaked in smiles and laughs failing to mask the pain of another year without you
Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season.
I will be brief.
During the past two years, I made 4 trips to the Dominican Republic to purchase strong pain killers that alleviate my back pain. Pills with dangerous side affects.
Since my return to Florida, I have felt lethargic, suffered constant headaches and dizzy spells as my blood pressure skyrocketed. Things that a man of my age shouldn’t be feeling.
Doctors have discovered several unhealthy changes in my heart (which they describe as “severely life threatening“). Emergency surgery is very possible, but I won’t know until more tests are run over the next two weeks.
During the next couple of months, I will be in blogging-lite mode as I try to regain my health and strength. I won’t be posting every week, but I will read blogs to stay in touch with all of my friends.
Your support and words have always filled my heart with joy. At some point in the future I hope to continue My Inspiring Women of WordPress.
Thank you for your understanding.
Trust me, your friendship and inspiration has been missed.
Hopefully, through your words, I can rediscover my creative mojo.
Look at me I am a broken man
with a busted heart unglued
clinging to my fragmented parts
my warranty is no longer due
there you are a fractured woman
a hole has replaced your whole
you need a coronary jump start
or a sign that says damaged goods
we’d be a perfect imperfection
meeting on a misfit rendezvous
two interlocking jigsaw pieces
broken me and fractured you