The Butterfly In You

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This is a reenactment of a telephone conversation.

“Well, I’m the kind of girl most guys aren’t interested in. I have stubby legs. So, I am very short. My arms are fat like a wrestler. My butt is average, but it looks small because my boobs are abnormally huge. I hate my smile because I have a crooked tooth. Other men aren’t interested in me, but maybe you would like to meet me.”

That was my first wife describing herself.

When I hung up, I vowed to become her best friend. (I don’t remember what I said to her, she swears she knew she was going to marry me after that first conversation).

We talked on the phone everyday four months. In November, I flew 1350 miles (to the Dominican Republic) to meet my friend.

During conversations with her sisters and her parents, I learned she had been abused by her prior boyfriend of seven years.

When I met her, the wounds from the slaps, punches, kicks, and head slamming against the wall (that was his favorite) all healed.

As you can see by her self description she never healed from the verbal abuse.

My mother always told me “women are sacred.” I feel that in my heart.

You don’t hurt a butterfly.

On nights of introspection, she used to say there’s a little girl inside her that wants to get out.

My style with ALL the women has always been to encourage growth. Explore and experience life. Love yourself. Appreciate who you are. Learn your hidden talents.

Find out who that little girl was meant to be.

With this spread your wings approach, my first wife discovered a talent for languages. My current wife Allie learned she has a talent for drawing, decorating, and photography. My friend in the bad relationship, she finished culinary school.

It is never too late to spread your wings. 

Focusing on your failed relationship will only waste precious time. Forget those lost years. You still have time to live, to explore, to be happy.

But your happiness depends on you. And that starts with loving the person in your mirror. When you learn to love yourself, when you value yourself, you will never permit anyone to hurt you.  There’s nothing more beautiful than a confident butterfly.

So ladies, it is up to you to spread your wings.

Fly. butterfly. fly.


Photo is a selfie taken by my wife Allie.