Blooming in the Dark

Sometimes, neglect can be as painful as abuse.

To all the women who have ever felt alone, unwanted, unappreciated, or unloved.

This one is for you.

Blooming in the Dark

Unappreciated sacrifices

replaced dreams that slowly died

her aging petals wilting

from the silent tears she cried

Forgotten and all alone

hummingbird with no sound

heart beating without love

petals sinking to the ground

Depressed in her little corner

neglected and unmarked

an unappreciated flower

forever blooming in the dark

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Top Twelve Courses For Married Men (If You Want A Happy Marriage)

Top Twelve Courses For Married Men (If You want A Happy Marriage)

12 – How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy – Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and
       Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

11- How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion                                                                                                                     Relaxation Exercises, Meditation, and Breathing Techniques.

10 – How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
Step by Step Slide Presentations.

  9 – The Toilet Paper Roll – Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.

  8 – Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat 
Group Practice.

  7 – Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

   6 – After Dinner Dishes – Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video

   5 – Loss of Identity – Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other 
Hot Line and Support Groups.

    4 – Learning How to Find Things – Starting With Looking In The Right
         Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum

     3 – Real Men Ask For Directions                                                                                                                                       Real Life Testimonials

      2 – Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.

       1- Learning to Live – Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.

Have a wonderful weekend. Be safe and keep writing.

monkey-bride

50 Shades of Black and Blue

Friends on occasion ask me, Lonely Author do you penchant poetry? Yes, people close to me use the word penchant. That demonstrates I don’t monkey around when it comes to deciding who I let into my inner circle.

After journeying through the blogosphere and reading the intriguing works of many a poet and poetess, I am inspired to dabble in poetic verse or two.

I hope I inspire you as well. (And I don’t mean to quit writing.)

50 Shades of Black and Blue

                                                    By Lonely Author

She beat me to a pulp
that’s what sadists do
kicked me over and over
til I was 50 shades of black and blue

She hit me with a bat
slammed against the window sill
oh the excruciating pain
she showed me my cable bill

Poked me in the eye
smashed my little toe
stomped on my fingers
all to prevent me from writing prose

Have a wonderful week. Hope I made you smile.

infinite_monkeys

Melinda Gordon Conversing With The Dead

From September 2005 until May 2010 CBS produced and aired five seasons of the supernatural drama Ghost Whisperer. Jennifer Love Hewitt played Melinda Gordon a young lady with a special gift; the ability to see and speak to Earth bound spirits (ghosts). She helped these lost souls and their grieving families resolve unfinished business in order for the ghosts to eventually cross into the light. Thanks to Hulu, my wife and I have spent valuable (yes, honey I said valuable and typed it in italics) time watching the life of Melinda Gordon.

Figured October would be the perfect time to discuss death. We will be discussing ghost dead not zombie dead (Ha ha, you see I know zombies are in and vampires are out).

Of all the gifts in the world to receive, conversing with the dead is pretty low on my list. Probably comes right after the gift of tooth decay and mental illness.

My apologies to Mitch Albom author of One More Day and The Five People You Meet In Heaven, but other than my parents, I don’t wish to speak to anyone from beyond unless its Bed, Bath, and Beyond. (My wife just bought these wonderful leaf shaped place mats for Thanksgiving. You have to see them). Every week the dead waste their time fighting and complaining with Melinda like Walmart shoppers on Black Friday. And if you believe courtesy and politeness are out of style, the dead don’t bother with any formalities. They are selfish, unforgiving, and cold. Well, maybe we shouldn’t be surprised by the cold part.

The dead don’t talk about sports, politics, or the weather. Even the ghosts of the elderly act strange. No mention of their hip replacement surgery, their rheumatoid arthritis, or cholesterol. And wouldn’t you know it; I have yet to see a smoking ghost. I guess they finally learned that cigarettes kill when they arrived on the other side. At that point, you may as well continue smoking, it won’t kill you again. Hey, Surgeon General we don’t need to see those disgusting commercials that ruin my late night snacking. Trust me, all smokers are going to quit.

On a positive note, if I received the gift of talking to the dead, I can talk to my parents again. My mom would complain about my poor diet. My father would snicker, still writing stupid crap? I told you to study accounting.

Yeah right, talking to the dead. This is one present I will definitely re-gift.

What are your thoughts? Would you like to talk to the dead?

Please note: asking for directions doesn’t count.

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Praise For The Lonely Author Blog

The Washington Post – wtf

The Walking Dead – this is killer stuff

Forest Gump – stupid is as stupid does

Albert Einstein – the difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Edward Scissorhands – this guy is a cut up

Donald Trump – ask me about walls not blogs

Hilary Clinton – sorry I deleted the email with my praise for your blog

Han Solo from Star Wars – great kid. don’t get cocky

Tony the Tiger – this is gggggggrrrrrrrreat

Hannibal Lector – this goes well with liver, some fava beans, and a nice Chianti

Plato of Greek philosophy fame – wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.

Fifty Shades of Grey – who’s he kidding? he’s no gentleman. he has my panties.

Jim Lovell of Apollo 13 – houston we have a problem

Conductor on the 2 train – next stop…. publication

The Wicked Witch of the West – I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too

Lord Voldemort of Harry Potter fame- greatness inspires envy. envy engenders spite. spite spawns lies.

William Shakespeare – better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

Johnny Castle from Dirty Dancing fame – nobody puts bloggy in a corner

Fluffy my Cat – meow

Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind – frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

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