when a woman decides to forget (For all women battling domestic violence)

Published on by thelonelyauthorblog

My long time followers know I am a crusader against domestic abuse. A precious friend finds herself trapped in a relationship of physical/mental abuse. Although her husband will never read my poem, this is for him and all the other losers.

when a woman decides to forget

a white table cloth
stained by unspoken words
lays dead in a frigid kitchen
like a red rose in a morgue of poetry
a barren tree outside the window
extends branches of remorse
for once a fallen leaf has wilted
it can never be reset
some fires can’t be rekindled
there is no going back
when a woman decides to forget

225 thoughts on “when a woman decides to forget (For all women battling domestic violence)”

  4. Great poem. Domestic abuse is a tragedy and it’s sad how women get trapped in the cycle that seems impossible to break. Our daughter told us realized she made a mistake in selling a car today by allowing the woman to take the car to show to her husband, instead of our daughter taking the car to the show the woman’s husband and sell it him on it. His wife loves the car, but her husband wants a her to drive a different car that’s more expensive. Apparently his wife’s opinion and desire for the car she wants to drive have no value. Our daughter told us she forgot there are a lot of husbands out there who are total dicks.

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  6. Tongue tied.. no words, as my words failing to express the exact feelings, emerging from your words.. yes, what-not happens, when a woman decides to forget.. God bless you Andrew.. 🤐👍🏼🙂👌🏼

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  10. One thing I can never truly understand is why the women stay. It is definitely not for the kids because children who witness domestic abuse turn out scarred with to repeat the cycle or shut down.
    So why do they stay?
    I have thought of all the possible reasons still it is not good enough. Why stay?
    Profound words. 💕💕💕

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    1. What people dont realize is they break you down mentally so far you can not see light, scared in a deep hole that you cant see how to get out of. Sometimes if you leave they harm your children. There are lots of women that stay because they dont hava enough faith! Your spirit gets torn to pieces. They need encouragement and help and alot of times you dont have a support and the ones you thought would spit in your face amd tell u to stay! Especially in religious settings! They see them selves as unworthy, you have to gain your strength from within and it is not easy! Be the light in the darkness

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      1. Agree with everything you said. These women are trapped in their situation with little support, with their low self esteem
        convincing them that they have no choice and they wouldn’t survive with out the abuser.

        Be the light in the dakrness. Beautiful thought, words, and wish.
        Appreciate your words. Thank you so much.

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        1. This hits home for me, as my ex abused me, mentally more than physical. He would threaten to kill my children if I left. One would think he is just lying to you however I am legally blind, unable to drive and he tried to kill us all, our 2 children and me along with him. Amd if I had not grabbed the wheel with a second prayer for a miracle I nor my children would be here. These women are in danger no matter how well u may think you know the abuser even. They are different behind closed doors. I do not talk outly about this however. If me speaking up brings knowledge to those that dont know what to do. I will! They need all the encouragement you can throw at them. Instead of stones! Much courage and love for those women out there no matter what step your at, even afraid to take the first one! You do deserve better and it is ok and right to love yourself! Toxic is not healthy! Reach out and dont stop until you get out!!!

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          1. Sorry to hear about your own experiences. This must have been horrifying. So sorry, you and your children had to go through this.
            Proud of you for speaking up. Thank you for gracing my blog with your tragic story. Hopefully, it helps a woman break these chains
            of violence.

            From the deepest part of my heart, I wish you all the best. May the wounds eventually heal. And my love always rule your heart.
            Thank you for sharing a part of you.

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            1. I am grateful that I could open up and share, it adds to the healing process. I am thankful to you for allowing me to and for your support in a much needed cause that is very close to my heart as well as many women out there that still need help out. Much blessings to you! You soften my heart with your poetry

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  13. They say 1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic abuse, yet people know so little about it. Nothing hurts more that the moment your friends question you for staying, society blames you for staying, because they have no idea how impossible it is to leave.. from someone who’s been there for 7 years, thank you!

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  15. The figures of speech in this poem touched my heart, Andrew. I’ve known too many women who have suffered from domestic violence. Every line is poignant. I remember the friend you wrote about a few years ago who couldn’t unwrap herself from a miserable relationship. (I hope she’s fine now.) It’s kind that you honor these women while understanding the complexity of being with an abusive partner – someone she once loved, whom she felt once loved her.

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  23. Andrew,
    You have a heart and a deep compassion like no one else I know and you express it in heartfelt, beautiful and painful poetry such as this.
    I know this subject is close to you for many a reason.

    You touch hearts and minds with your way – which is pure and genuine and tender and poetic.

    Your,
    Fiery
    ❤️

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  24. This is sad. A woman here (Nigeria) decided to forget. She even told her friend that her husband was reformed and she was above domestic abuse.
    Imagine our surprise when we learnt that the cause of her death came from long time battering she received from her husband.

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  28. Most inspirational poem,dear dew!! Wonderful motivation for abused women.but here is question is begun that after forgetting all worst things,if a woman decides to go away from house then she will go where.in all world 80 percentage of woman are presented.here every forth woman in all homes in street are abused,then all Indian families have what situations.most serious line are in your poem”like a red rose in a morgue of poetry…. for a fallen leaf wilted It can never be reset…”oh,what a serious topic you’ve raised.I am in tears and reminding those abused women who fear to rebel and trying to satisfying herself by adjustment because they think that these abused lives are their fate/luck.

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  29. thank you for posting that and caring so much about abuse against woman. Some people don’t think its worth talking about. U r awesome!

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  31. My heart really goes out to your friend. It makes me sick when the abuser tells the abused that he’s sorry and that he loves her. He even blames her for the abuse. I have seen that so many times. It’s really heartbreaking when the woman forgets. Many of them end up losing their lives. Some women leave but they live in fear. This is an inspirational poem which really struck a chord for me. I’m so thankful that there are people like you who are raising awareness and speaking out against domestic violence.

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  36. “stained by unspoken words” lends credence to abuse not always being physical, but it is still violent. That’s how I read it …. Power words here. A woman (or man, or child) is empowered once they realize they have that choice…to forget.

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    1. Love how you read that line. Yes, abuse is not always physical. You summed up that line perfectly.
      Just an aside note, I used the table cloth since so many men tend to see women as cooks and these abusive
      men probably don’t see them as much more than that.

      I agree with your last line, sadly, many of these women try to stick it out.
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Always appreciated.

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  40. Physical, emotional and verbal abuse bring out the tigress in me when it comes to my friends or loved ones. I’m a defender or protector of loved ones and I have been known to stand up to one or two people to defend a friend (or even a stranger once). I know a little bit about verbal abuse, so having experienced that, I tend to just jump in and defend other women and children, sometimes without thought. Thank you for this poem and I so hope your friend finds the strength to be able to move on from her prison
    Two of my favorite lines…”Like a red rose in a morgue of poetry” and “there is no going back when a woman decides to forget.” The first, such an image it creates in my mind. A thing of beauty in a hopeless place. Yes…that’s a woman (or a man) in an abusive relationship.
    That last line…it’s so true and a line that cuts straight to the heart. Once the action of abuse (verbal or physical) is committed, it is embedded into that person’s image of themselves. You can choose to lay it aside and forgive, but it becomes a part of who you are. And when a person is verbally or physically abused, it is a constant mental barrage of “You are not good enough.” So though we can “decide to forget” to cope with the abuse, it still changes who we are.
    Sorry, I’m rambling now. Just wanted to say that you cut straight to the heart. Take care dear friend xoxo

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    1. You are not rambling. No apologies are necessary.

      A red rose in a morgue……you captured the essence of my words as if you read them in my heart. A thing of beauty
      in such a hopeless place. I am touched by the way youinterpreted me so perfectly. I thought it was a strong image,
      your beautiful words eased my concerns over the the image being the right one. I thank you for this.

      The last ting I wouyld ever want to do is cut straight to your heart. LOL . Thank you for this amazing comment.
      Not surprised you share my desire to protect these victims. Your caring soul shines bright in the cold world.

      As a child who witnessed and experienced domestic abuse, you words touched me.
      Thank you always.
      xoxo

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  43. I wish all men were as sensitive, or at least just plain decent, as you are.
    A wonderful poem. It feels like you should send it somewhere that helps women in these situations, and let them use it for posterity.

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    1. Isabelle, how are you my dear friend? I hope all is well. Wish you never stop blogging.
      Your serene posts always made me smile.

      Happy you appreciated this post. As a child who witnessed domestic violence, I wish it would disappear.
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It means a lot.

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      1. I’m fine. Thanks Andrew. I made a career change from marketing/finance to language and writing in February this year. I’m new in this field, a lot to learn.

        I’ve been doing some writing projects at work, and have taken a break from my blog.

        I published a post a few days ago, it’s a story about my ring.

        Sometimes I’m reluctant to write a post on my blog. There’re many brilliant writers out there, and I really don’t want to publish nonsense and waste people’s time.

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        1. I will find the post. I am trying to catch up to blog reading.

          I wish you all the best with your career change. I hope it brings you everything you desire.
          Didn’t you write a post about VanGogh. I really enjoy that.

          When you sort things out keep writing, I will always read it.

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          1. Why are you talking about children? And how was you abused?are you remembering the past.oh my dear friend!!forget that because whatever was have to happen,happened.past never return back.so,dear dew!! See your present with happy and positive thoughts.oh yeah,once a woman decides to left her home she dose not think that what the effect will be on children.because for child wants love of mom and dady both.am i right ?dear!!plz reply.

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              1. Oh.that was bad memory.forget that.some man are illegal in behaviour like your father.but i admired your mom who had become you so much brilliant ,sweet and kind hearted.your Mom was great.dear dew!!

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      1. Ahhh … then, we have something in common besides the love of words. I, too, am from an abusive household. Sadly, the cruelty was and is difficult to even think about. Of course, to them, it was all in the name of creating a good person in me. My thoughts on it are that it has been the driving impetous to detour from that behavior and become a softer person to all I have meet or have contact with throughout my life. Praise those who are survivors …
        Have a GREAT week … Isadora 😎

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          1. Thank you, Drew. It’s an ongoing mindful process. Seeking my inner being motivates me to see the good within. We are all more than what we are told. The reason I love words is because of the powers they have. Words can make you or break you. I choose to walk with the words that give me the power to be more than what I was made to feel. Namaste, Isadora 🙏🏻

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