A Modern Day Response to the 12 Days of Christmas
Day 1
Dear True Love,
Thank you for the sweet gift of a partridge in a pear tree. It was romantic and thoughtful. Can’t wait to see you again.
Signed Your Sweetheart
Day 4
Dear True Love,
I am overwhelmed by your boundless generosity. You have given me more than I deserve. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but please stop. Perhaps, you misunderstood me when you visited. Yes, I love angry birds, but this isn’t what I meant. I don’t have enough room in my humble home for all of these birds.
Signed Your Grateful Sweetheart
Day 12
Dear Moron,
ENOUGH ALREADY! Stop sending me your stupid gifts. I contacted you after the first fours days of Christmas asking you to stop. After all, what was I going to do with all the noisy birds. Then, to make amends, you were thoughtful enough to send me 5 golden rings.
However, on day 6 you started with the freaking birds again.
Now, my house is a total wreck and I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
First, I haven’t slept in days. Then, on the 11th day of Christmas you sent me the eleven Pipers piping. Those annoying idiots haven’t stopped piping. You make things worse sending 12 Drummers drumming. How is a woman supposed to sleep with all this noise?
With all this music going on the 10 Lords a leaping are hopping all over the place crushing the 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, and 2 turle doves. There is blood, feathers, and bird dropping everywhere.
Then, the Lords a leaping got together with 9 ladies dancings and trust me, the 6 geese aren’t the only ones who are laying.
The 8 Maids a milking splattered milk everywhere. Well, the 9 Ladies dancing slipping. Two crashed into the pear tree knocking off the poor partridge. Three others fell on the 7 Swans a swimming. And one broke her hip.
My life and house are a disaster. There are 7 law suits currently filed against me. The condo’s Homeowner Association has asked me to vacate the premises immediately.
This is the last correspondence you will be receiving from me. You will be hearing from the police since I requested an order of protection. And the next letter you receive will be from my attorneys Noel, Noel, & Fitch.
Drop dead.
Signed One Angry Lady
Have a wonderful week.
Keep smiling
Keep writing.
Lol! Perfect! Thanks again for the Monday morning smile! I really needed it… 🙂
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Glad you liked it. Thanks so much for reading. Have a wonderful week.
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hahaahahahaaha OMG this was a fun read! Thank you, just what I needed 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by to read. Have a great week.
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You Too! 🙂
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Love it!!!
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Thanks for reading.
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Haha! Loved it 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by to read. Have a good one.
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You too!
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Thanks
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🙂
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GREAT way to start my week! 🙂
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Smiling. hanks for saying that. Have a great week.
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Your elcome. 🙂
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Laughing. Perfect way to start the day. Happy Monday Andrew!
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Glad you liked it. Happy to entertain you. Have a great week. And thanks for stopping by.
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Welcome. You too. Smiles.
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Thanks
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Delightful!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Happy you enjoyed. Have a great week.
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May all go well for you, too.
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Thanks
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Haha. 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed. Have great week.
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You, too.
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Ha, funny! This is similar to a poem I did last year where I think the lords of leaping ended up running off with the maids a milking. Sheesh! What was that guy thinking?
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Hahaha. ILast December? I have to search for it. Sounds great. Thanks for stopping by.
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Oh. well only if you have the time. It’s always hard for me to go back into people’s blogs. Hard enough to stay current!
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I know. I am trying to stay curreent with everyone that follows me. NOT EASY
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Hilarious. Many people can use some good healthy humor this time of year. I will do my part in turn and return the favor with a favorite Christmas letter of mine. In all honesty, prior to becoming a doctor I planned on becoming a lawyer. From this perspective I give you the following:
http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/opinion/blogs/mcintyre/Twas-The-Night-Before-Christmas–The-Legal-Version-112393464.html
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Thanks. That legal version was hysterical. I love it. Thanks for sharing that. Oh, what a laugh. Have a great day.
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Hilarious! I needed a good, hearty laugh today. Thanks.
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I am glad you liked it. Have a great day
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I just read this to my friend and we almost wrecked!
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That makes me so happy.
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Definitely a bunch of annoying gifts one could do without. Well, five golden rings might be okay if I could sell them.
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Exactly. Who wants all those birds pooping around the house. Thanks for stopping by Carrie. Have a great week.
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Haha – love it!
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Glad you did. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great week.
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Very funny. I’ve heard a couple versions and they are all hysterical. Thanks for the laugh. 😀
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Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for stopping by to read. Have a wondeful week.
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hahahaha!!! You definitely have made my morning.
I love Day 4 & Day 12. hahahaha!!!
Those Morons once gave me a brochure and I told them kindly to burn it.
They we’re shocked, but I gave them a nice smile and I told them to have a wonderful day. 🙂
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Hahaha. No Christmas poems from you?I will visit you later today to see what you have posted.
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oh..I will post my last poem. 🙂
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Why your last poem? You’re retiring from poetry?
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No, I’m taking a 3 week break. Christmas and family thing. 🙂 but I’m still going to read and comment here and there. 🙂 I shall save my best of the best new writings for Next year January 2016. 🙂
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Nice. Do you get far ahead of your writing? I always write my post the night before. I try to write the entire week but I never do. I will visit you and harrass you with comments before you go.
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I’m going to post it in just a moment. 🙂 You are going to laugh. 🙂 or think…which ever one is better. 🙂
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Ok
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okay, its posted now. 🙂
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Cool
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Nice interpretation of this lovely song! I love it.
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Glad you liked it. We need to start the week with a laugh. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great week.
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Rofl, hilarious 😀
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Glad you enjoyed it. Have a wonderful week. Will visit you later.
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You too friend 🙂
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Very funny!
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Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by. Have a beautiful week.
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You too! 🙂
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LOL – great way to start the week off! 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed it. We need to start our weeks with a laugh. Thanks for stopping by. Have a wonderful week.
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how much r they disturbing u n ur lonelyness
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NO, I am doing fine.
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o !! sorry.dt is a mocking creation only.
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Don’t say sorry my friend. How are you?
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fine o!lonely auther.
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do u understand hindi language?i m asking so dt u have not given any response about my two new poem-intezaar n tabssum.
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No I didn’t understand. Okay
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even then how do u like my poems.plz do’nt take otherwise if i m asking so.
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now i will try to write in english which u can understand.parhaps i do not believe dt u do not understand hindi.dis could be know by traslation i.e. tabssum means smiling n intezaar means waiting.m i saying right?
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I try to use translators. They are not always good. Sometimes you lose the true meaning. How is our friend?
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how do i lose d true meanin?plz explain a little bit.
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Something you say in hindi when a computer translate it can lose its meaning.
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yeah.u r right.d translator is unable to right explain.
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Yeah, and you may say something beautiful from the heart but in English it will not be the same.
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yes.here language is a problem bt u know dt all human feelings r same .there is no burden of country,races,religion n geographical background on d human’s feelings.
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Exactly. Beautiful thoughts my friend.
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welcome
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hello!!plz reply dt odd to d ocian’s depth has some meanings?wordings r right?
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my poem in hindi has mostly urdu words.may be dis coz d computer’s translation lose real meaning.
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Exactly. I hit like to be supportive of you. You are a good person.
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u too.
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Thanks
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welcome again.
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sorry plz for asking d question.
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ur friend is different from dis world.
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I know. But we both want peace and love. Right?
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yeah.u r right.welcome.
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happy massage.beparvaah has return on his blog just now.he is well n healthy.thanks for ur good wishes.
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That makes me so happy.
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all likers r happy like u n me.thanks.
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That was hilarious 😀
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Happy to help you start the week with a laugh. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you have a wonderful week.
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Wish you the same 🙂
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Thanks
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Ahaha!! I am laughing so hard.. Loved the “aviary” 🙂 Your humor is just the best pill for me! 🙂
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Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. Hey, True Love was focused on birds for the early days.
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LOL.. I guess zoos were more expensive 😀
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lol
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😀
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You look so good in a hat!
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Hahaha. Yeah, I get all merry in the hohoho spirit.
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OMG! That was too funny!
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Glad you enjoyed it. Good to start the week with a laugh. Thanks for stopping by to read. Have a great week.
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I shared this on Facebook and Twitter!
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Thank you so much. I am flattered. I really appreciate it. I haven’t had my morning coffee yet, so my head is right. Are we following each other on twitter? @LonelyAuthorNY
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I don’t know, but I’ll get you added!
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Thanks
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This is fantastic! Loved it.
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So happy you enjoyed it Rita. Love to start the week with a laugh. Thanks for stopping by to read. Have a great weekend.
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It was perfect!
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Thanks for saying that. Happy you enjoyed. Have a great day.
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Brilliant!
I have heard something like this before but very old fashioned. You have fought it up to date and made it very funny!
Thanks for the laugh!
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Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. Nice to start the week with a laugh. Thanks so much for reading. Have a wonderful week.
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You too…!
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Thanks
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Hilarious
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Glad you liked it. Thanks for stopping by to read. I appreciate it. Have a good week.
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That’s fun!!! Love it! ((((:
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Glad you enjoyed it. I like to start the week with a laugh. Thanks for stopping by to read.
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It was really fun reading it… this song is haunting me… thanks for making it fun! (:
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Smiling. My pleasure.
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Thanks (:
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“Then, the Lords a leaping got together with 9 ladies dancings and trust me, the 6 geese aren’t the only ones who are laying.”
I laughed so much! Thank you for a brilliantly funny post. Truly, excessive gift giving can be annoying 😀
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Yeah, it can. Happy that you enjoyed it. Thanks for stoppping by. Have a wonderful holiday season.
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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, too! 🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻
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Thanks
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Reblogged this on Crazy Pasta Child.
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Thanks for the reblog.
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My goodness, this song was really about a crazy Christmas stalker! Who knew?
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Actually, it was a stalker song. lol
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Thought so. 🙂
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Loved this post! LOL! 🙂
Happy holidays to you and all your guests. 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by to read. I wish you and yours the happiest and safest holiday season and a healthy and happy 2016.
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I can’t believe, after hearing this song probably hundreds of times in my life, that I never thought about the ramifications of all those gifts on one person! A hilarious little tale, well told through the medium of the old-fashioned letter.
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Haha. When you stop to think about it, “True Love” was a borderline stalker by today’s standards. Glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for stopping by.
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A lot of songs are pretty dark if you really listen to the lyrics. “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is one that was recently brought to my attention. It’s strange how just hearing something a lot can take the strange out of it.
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So true. Times have changed. In another era these songs were sweet. But today, these sames songs under a microscope invoke a different feeling.
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It really makes me wonder if these songs were really as sweet as people thought they were, or if abusive, stalking behavior was just more acceptable Way Back When.
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Well, we started the term “date rape” back in the 80s. Many things we frown upon today were accepted in another period.
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Definitely food for thought. I wonder what the future will bring?
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Interesting question.
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Oh yes. This is awesome. Just the spirit.
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Perhaps, the modern day spirit. Thanks for reading.
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The 6 geese aren’t the only ones who are laying –
so it wasn’t a total disaster.
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LOL You appreciated that one. You are so right.
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